"Main Menu. Please select a function."
"How much would you like to withdraw?"
"Insufficient Funds. Would you like to do anything else?"
"I hate your face."
I learned yesterday that budgetting is not my strong suit. I should have been bringing Kraft singles and Wonderbread to work. I should have enjoyed free office coffee with that weird oil slick effect that Coffeemate gives any liquid. I shouldn't have gone to those shows or bought those drinks or that Faberge Egg. But I did. I ate Dim Sum instead of grilled cheese, I bought coffee that didn't taste like a burnt tire, I purchased a bejewel egg owned by Tsar Nicolas.
So I figure, maybe I should sign up for a Learning Annex class. I'm sure that someone in the world of adult education can clue me in on ways to solve my monetary woes. I went to their website, I picked up their brochures, I browsed until I could browse no more. I signed up for "Gyrate Your Way to Health with Hula Hoop Fitness," "Intro to Pole Dancing," and "Communicate with the Other World" before realizing I'd put $160 on my credit card, thus defeating the whole purpose of looking for money management seminars.
The big problem: you have to pay money to learn how not to spend money. Seems, well, counter-intuitive. Aren't I ahead of the game if I just don't go in the first place? See, I done outsmarted the Learning Annex. I'd rather be a hula-hoop thin, pole-dancing, paranormal translator than a goddamn sap.