Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Wherein we attempt to divine what 2007 will bring, revel in the revelry that ended 2006, and try to remember where my phone is

I never like going into a new year unprepared; it's important to do your research. The less creative minds out there might wonder how you can research a year that has yet to happen, that's only 34 hours old, that is unfolding right before their very eyes. I have a simple answer for those people. It's called Hollywood.

See, pretty much every year has a cockamamie sci-fi action-adventure that is purported to occur then. Time Cop, for example, that time-travelling epic which showcases Jean Claude Van Damme's Lawrence Olivier-like thespian knowhow, was set in 2004. That year, I was constantly on the look-out for Belgian has-beens. I saw none. Last year was the year when, according to Michael Drosnin's book "The Bible Code," the apocalypse was supposed to happen, but, really, the closest we got was the Kevin Federline album. So, now that I think about it, what I'm going to suggest maybe isn't the best strategy, what with the lack of ray-guns and world ceasing to exist and all. But "Paycheck" was made for a reason and that reason certainly wasn't to make money. Let's examine, shall we?

First off, in the interest of full disclosure, I never saw this movie. I'm actually medically required to never watch any movie with Ben Affleck in it as my doctor fears I'd go epileptic or lose control of my bowels. However, "Paycheck" was made in 2003, which, much like Einstein's 1905, was Ben Affleck's "miracle year" and is therefore worthy of mention. In addition to "Paycheck," the esteemed Mr. Affleck starred in three feature films that year; the remaining pair being "Daredevil," a movie based on perhaps the worst comic book ever conceived (what's cooler than a blind, kick-ass lawyer?) and "Gigli," a callous money grab starring then-beau Jennifer Lopez which in fact made no money but a large portion of "Worst Movies Ever" lists since.

Strangely enough, "Paycheck" itself is about seeing into the future. More specifically, it's about the wisdom of refraining from looking into the future. So what we've got is a movie I'll never see telling me to not do exactly what I'm trying to do by invoking the movie itself. I think that's a Catch-22. It might just be annoying. Either way, I should probably quit while I'm not too behind.

What I can say is "Happy 2007." We had ourselves a truly wonderful time on Sunday night, playing Bottom of the Hill with Boyskout (safe travels and good luck in New York) and the Blacks (who were all white but who sold underroos that said "I Heart the Blacks" which lead to a hilarious encounter between a well-dressed black guy and a girl wearing them outside her pants). Anyway, it was our first show in quite some time and we managed to play two new songs and two covers without incident. The new songs, as usual, have no names, while the covers, of course, did. We played "Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)" by Billy Joel (a.k.a. the lesser, American-ized Elton John) and "500 Miles" by the Proclaimers, a song that everyone loves whether they know it or not. Da-da-la-da-da. It was certainly one of my favorite Birdmonster shows ever and, hey, I've seen them all. Strange, but true.

Next? Who knows. I'm giving up planning. No more looking into the future. God knows it could result in some sort of plague or apocalypse or another triumverate of execrable Affleck-helmed vehicles. Nope. Today, I'm just going to be happy that it's today, the beginning of a four-day work week, during which, thus far, I've done absolutely no work. Cheers, aught seven. Cheers.


Sandisoverrated said...

What a great show. I saw someone videotaping I hope footage of 500 miles surfaces. Or you guys give in and record a studio version of it.

birdmonster said...

Glad you enjoyed, good sir. I owe you a reading of HBWoSG. Let it be started by this time next week. Huzzah.

SOL's view said...

Bewdy! Sounds like you blokes had a great time. Hope the rest of 2007 is just as much of a blast.

birdmonster said...

It was lovely. If the rest of 2007 is like New Year's Eve, I'll be dead by '09. But it would be a liquor-soaked, wonderfully romantic death. James Dean would bow down. So, certainly, would Elvis, the fat James Dean with a voice.

Katie L. Thompson said...

I think this entry would have been way more interesting if the last 2 words of the title were "pants are".

No pressure to make plans or anything but I think you should maybe just write at the top of your calendar "2007: Philadelphia/Connect Four/Umbrella/Diaper". On second thought, yes pressure. And lots of it.

Sabrina said...

The New Years Eve show was great! I'm so glad the girls and I recovered from the flu in time to attend. I just love the Bottom of the Hill. My son was bummed that he missed the 500 miles cover. That happens to be one of his favorite songs & that's what he gets for ditching me and his sisters to hang out with his girlfriend for New Years Eve! Well if we are so lucky to win the contest we will be requesting this one from you guys! Here's to my 3 day work week!

For now I need to get caught up on your blogs! I've been off for almost two weeks now!