What's a Birdmonster to do? Beside the cursing and the punching, that is.

Here's the situation: we're trundling toward
Phoenix after a three hour detour (not to be
confused with a three hour tour) wherein we were
waylayed by the border patrol, two mechanics
who shut their shops as soon as we cruised in, atop
a tow truck, naturally, finally found one guy who,
after originally being unable to find the culprit
that sidelined Patrick Stewart, opened the hood
again and pronounced the transmission "fucked."
Now, your typical transmission runs about two
grand and, since this lemon only cost us two and a
half to begin with, well, that's not really a viable
option. Neither is renting, since that'd be twice as
much and we'd be left with a stranded Sir Patrick
and nothing for our next journey around the
States. Ixnay on that too. What we're left with
then is the unfortunate necessity of actually
buying another van. Which eats shit, obviously. The
big issue is that we pretty much have to do this
tomorrow, in Phoenix, and figure out a way to
ditch this infuriating piece of machinery, then play
a show that evening. Honestly, I'm a mess. I'm
shaking my fist at the Gods. But it's this or cancel
the tour and we aren't willing to do that. We'll
steal circus elephants and ride them to New York
if we have to. At this point, that's probably our
second best option.

On a lighter and quasi-related note, I'm reading the
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy right now. On the
cover of the eponymous book, there are two
words: Don't Panic. Good advice if you can follow
it. Don't Sink Into A Hole of Self-Pity and
Righteous Anger is also good advice at this
juncture. I've got a roommate who's fond of
saying, "at least you aren't picked shrapnel out of
your ass." That's another good thing to keep in
mind.

Man. I don't know. I usually have a misguided, silly,
and sometimes-infuriating-to-others faith that
everything will work out just fine but that faith is
being tested right now. Cross your fingers for us,
say some prayers our way, and stick a few
needles in the eyes of that voodoo doll of the
CEO of Ford for us too, while you're at it.

Oh yeah: if there's anyone in Phoenix who has a
free van, we'd really, really appreciate it. We
promise to immortalize you in song.