Friday, August 18, 2006

What's a Birdmonster to do? Beside the cursing and the punching, that is.

Here's the situation: we're trundling toward
Phoenix after a three hour detour (not to be
confused with a three hour tour) wherein we were
waylayed by the border patrol, two mechanics
who shut their shops as soon as we cruised in, atop
a tow truck, naturally, finally found one guy who,
after originally being unable to find the culprit
that sidelined Patrick Stewart, opened the hood
again and pronounced the transmission "fucked."
Now, your typical transmission runs about two
grand and, since this lemon only cost us two and a
half to begin with, well, that's not really a viable
option. Neither is renting, since that'd be twice as
much and we'd be left with a stranded Sir Patrick
and nothing for our next journey around the
States. Ixnay on that too. What we're left with
then is the unfortunate necessity of actually
buying another van. Which eats shit, obviously. The
big issue is that we pretty much have to do this
tomorrow, in Phoenix, and figure out a way to
ditch this infuriating piece of machinery, then play
a show that evening. Honestly, I'm a mess. I'm
shaking my fist at the Gods. But it's this or cancel
the tour and we aren't willing to do that. We'll
steal circus elephants and ride them to New York
if we have to. At this point, that's probably our
second best option.

On a lighter and quasi-related note, I'm reading the
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy right now. On the
cover of the eponymous book, there are two
words: Don't Panic. Good advice if you can follow
it. Don't Sink Into A Hole of Self-Pity and
Righteous Anger is also good advice at this
juncture. I've got a roommate who's fond of
saying, "at least you aren't picked shrapnel out of
your ass." That's another good thing to keep in
mind.

Man. I don't know. I usually have a misguided, silly,
and sometimes-infuriating-to-others faith that
everything will work out just fine but that faith is
being tested right now. Cross your fingers for us,
say some prayers our way, and stick a few
needles in the eyes of that voodoo doll of the
CEO of Ford for us too, while you're at it.

Oh yeah: if there's anyone in Phoenix who has a
free van, we'd really, really appreciate it. We
promise to immortalize you in song.

6 comments:

Gasoline Hobo said...

holy fuck! to say that your situation is shitty is to give new meaning to the phrase "explosive diarrhea". i would definitely avoid arizona in the future. nothing there but dry heat, desperate shrubbery and lawns made of gravel.

i've had my share of vehicle problems, and can attest to the fact that they usually happen at the absolute worst possible moment.

have you considered getting a second opinion on the stricken ms. sir stewart?

i'd call out the hobo network to help you, but even hobos shun arizona...

jeffro said...

man - that sucks! perhaps you should have named the van Billy Shatner.

Douglas Adams will indeed teach you the answer to everything...

mike said...

Wow. I'm glad I saw you guys the night before this happened. That sucks. It's probably good that you didn't go out drinking with us, as the night we had would've made you deal with all of this with a hangover to boot.

Hopefully things are working out for you as I type. Good luck.

Ari said...

Ass to ass.

emmy said...

so what happened?! did you guys make it alright???

sexy said...

情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,按摩棒,跳蛋,充氣娃娃,情境坊歡愉用品,情趣用品,情人節禮物,情惑用品性易購

免費A片,AV女優,美女視訊,情色交友,免費AV,色情網站,辣妹視訊,美女交友,色情影片,成人影片,成人網站,A片,H漫,18成人,成人圖片,成人漫畫,情色網,日本A片,免費A片下載,性愛

A片,色情,成人,做愛,情色文學,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊聊天室,言情小說,愛情小說,AIO,AV片,A漫,av dvd,聊天室,自拍,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,色情A片,SEX

情趣用品,A片,免費A片,AV女優,美女視訊,情色交友,色情網站,免費AV,辣妹視訊,美女交友,色情影片,成人網站,H漫,18成人,成人圖片,成人漫畫,成人影片,情色網


情趣用品,A片,免費A片,日本A片,A片下載,線上A片,成人電影,嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人貼圖,成人交友,成人圖片,18成人,成人小說,成人圖片區,微風成人區,成人文章,成人影城,情色,情色貼圖,色情聊天室,情色視訊,情色文學,色情小說,情色小說,臺灣情色網,色情,情色電影,色情遊戲,嘟嘟情人色網,麗的色遊戲,情色論壇,色情網站,一葉情貼圖片區,做愛,性愛,美女視訊,辣妹視訊,視訊聊天室,視訊交友網,免費視訊聊天,美女交友,做愛影片

av,情趣用品,a片,成人電影,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人貼圖,成人交友,成人圖片,18成人,成人小說,成人圖片區,成人文章,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情聊天室,情色視訊,情色文學,色情小說,情色小說,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,情色電影,aio,av女優,AV,免費A片,日本a片,美女視訊,辣妹視訊,聊天室,美女交友,成人光碟

情趣用品.A片,情色,情色貼圖,色情聊天室,情色視訊,情色文學,色情小說,情色小說,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,情色電影,色情遊戲,色情網站,聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,美女視訊,辣妹視訊,視訊聊天室,視訊交友網,免費視訊聊天,免費A片,日本a片,a片下載,線上a片,av女優,av,成人電影,成人,成人貼圖,成人交友,成人圖片,18成人,成人小說,成人圖片區,成人文章,成人影城,成人網站,自拍,尋夢園聊天室