Thursday, July 20, 2006

Today, we learn about headaches, a change of (digital) scenery, and a rather lengthy trek through the greater United States

The problem with that whole "eat, drink, and be merry" thing is the next day. You can't finish your croissant, you need fifteen gallons of water, and merriment so improbable that it's hilarious, except, well, you can't laugh because your brain hurts.

It was all for a good cause, though. Birthdays should be celebrated with a reckless, dish-breaking, diet-be-damned abandon. Then, when people ask her the next day, "hey, do you feel a year older?" the birthday girl can truthfully say "yes." And I think that's important. You've got to earn it.

I've got some totally self-referential news today. Perturbed by the copious amounts of assinine spam comments, I'm turning on the word verification dealy. Comments from real human beings will now require reading wavy letters. It's depressing, really. I'd rather not have to. From here on out, we'll have to do without grammatically horrendous invitations to sketchy online casinos, unreadable music magazines, and ads for herbal dick enlargers. Try not to get too upset. Also, over on the right hand side, below a hand-selected list of the greatest things the internet has to offer, right before the expired ramblings, we've added a poster for our upcoming tour with Division Day (hooray weaponry!) and some images that, if clicked upon, will result in you giving us money.

Speaking of that tour, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this outright, but, come mid-August, we're attempting to take Patrick Stewart from San Francisco, down the coast of California, over through Texas and Florida and points inbetween, up to New York, Canada, other points inbetween, Idaho, and the Pacific Northwest, with (you get the idea) points inbetween, returning home, finally, at the end of September. In other words, a long, long tour. We'll have Division Day as company for the first leg, the Sammies for the twelve or fourteen shows, then we'll join up with Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin* and Catfish Haven, before reuniting, triumphantly, with DDay in the Northwest again. I wonder if they know we're exploiting them to get back into the castle. I won't tell if you don't.

So, free of long-winded divergences, I'm going back to work now. I'll post the tour dates when they're finalized, which will be in the not so distant future. In the meantime, have a fine Thursday. Bring me some Advil too.

*Best band name ever finalist. Other contenders: Rocket From the Crypt, System of a Ho-Down, AC/DShe, Crudsucker, Supertramp, and, as much as I loathe the band, She Wants Revenge is a great name.


Gasoline Hobo said...

BOO creepy spam comments! HOORAY weaponry!

i would give you money for a birdmonster shirt, but alas, i lack mammaries. i am sure that this will be remedied soon, so i will clutch my sweaty dollars in readiness.

please tell me that SOMEONE, at SOME POINT said "engage" while starting the van.

i don't have any advil, but i do have these little balls i found in my pocket. could be aspirin, could be from a mouse. feelin' lucky today?

birdmonster said...

Senor Hobo,
We do indeed have manly shirts. For some reason, not onsite. When I force you to visit us in August, you can try them on, walk down a catwalk, and be sassy as only a hobo can be.

Furthermore, I have never said engage. It's borderline pathetic. Scratch that. TOTALLY pathetic. To be remedied, post haste.

Ship balls to:
PO Box 0973943743903285430
San Francisco CA, 93245485439

Gasoline Hobo said...

i don't know - i may be too sexy for your shirt. you know, when i do my little turn on the catwalk. yeah, on the catwalk. when i do my little turn on the catwalk.

in other words, i can be pretty sassy. might want to bring a gas mask.

p.s.: when i said "i am sure that this will be remedied soon", i was referring to your shirts being available in man sizes, not that i was going to be acquiring mammaries anytime soon. just so we're clear.

birdmonster said...

Ah, Right Said Fred: two incredibly unsexy dudes singing about how incredibly sexy they are.

And I was reaaaaalllly looking forward to you mammaries. My dreams: dashed.

Gasoline Hobo said...

don't worry - there's always a way.

Sabrina said...

Oh what would I do without my daily Birdmonster blog read? Now I can drive home with visions of Man boobs! Thanks guys...

birdmonster said...

Proud to be of service. I shudder to think what else you'd be mulling over if not man boobies. It could be downright diabolical.

Kt said...

Some of my fav band names all happen to be bands who I have never heard their music but somehow their name is stuck in my head. They include:
Jackie O Motherfucker
Inspect Her Gadget
and by personally fav-
Shitty Shitty Band Band

Girly Shirts are too too cute. Got to get me one of thems. See you guys later tonight for Brett's un B-day

birdmonster said...

Shitty Shitty Band Band? Brilliant Brilliant Fucking Great.

You forgot Gay Dad. Wait, so did I. See you on the Haight.

Anonymous said...

that word thing is called a CAPTCHA . At my last job there as a brief bit of research about how to get around them. Most successful plans involve a team of people in India doing nothing but deciphering them all day.

Did you get a release for the photo on that poster?

birdmonster said...

Oh, Anon: Thanks. CAPTCHA is now part of my internet vernacular.

As for the release, I'm unsure what you're talking about. If it's the DDay pic, it's fine, because they all live in my closet.

Anonymous said...

let's see if anyone checks comments six full days after the post went up.

gay dad deserves more credit than an afterthought. i submit the following for best band names:
sweatpant boners
the fucking champs


birdmonster said...

Let's see indeed, Mr. Crowley*. And how did I forget Sweatpants Boners? Really? I'm slipping in my old age. In fact, they should do a co-headlining tour with Gay Dad and name it something funnier than I'm currently coming up with.

*Please sing that Ozzy song...nnnnow.