Friday, February 09, 2007

Why Eddie Murphy hates you. I, on the other hand, love you. That's the first of many differences.

I'm well aware advertising is now ubiquitous. European soccer teams sport sponsors on their jerseys, there's an ad on the cardboard halo that keeps my coffee from burning my hand, and, in Los Angeles, billboards actually get our constitutional rights. But you know what: they're easy to ignore. Magazine ads can be glossed over, radio commercials can be tuned out, and when Jeopardy goes to break, you simply mute the ads for adult diapers and denture creams and sleep apnea meds that let you know you couldn't be further from their target demographic if you were a bi-curious centaur.

But last night, I think I discovered what was essentially the nadir of advertising achievement, that is, until someone starts putting NASCAR-style decals on coffins, which, well, will probably happen early July. But in the meantime, I found the lowest low point, the Mariana trench of trying-to-make-me-buy-shit, if you will (which you shouldn't). Ladies & gentlemen, I present to you the talking-Norbit-poster-over-the-urinal and I ask "does it get any sadder than that?"

I'm not sure if women have ads on the inside of the stalls at public restrooms, but I can tell you for a fact that men do. Not in the stalls but yes, above the urinals. You're standing, you're peeing, and Eddie Murphy is talking to you. It's off-putting. It's invasive. And yes: it's Norbit. There hasn't been a movie since Little Man that I've wanted to see less than Norbit. The trailer alone portends the end of intelligent comedy, thoughtful satire, and, perhaps, the human race as we know it. So please: don't ask me to watch it. Especially while I'm urinating. I ask, as so many before me have asked: Is nothing sacred?

Of course not. But beyond Norbit yammering at me at the most innapropriate time possible, yesterday was what I'd call a success. We played our favorite club on the planet (Bottom of the Hill) with our favorite tourmates of all time (Division Day) for our favorite radio station's birthday (BAGeL Radio). Plus, it was broadcast over the magical being known as the Godternet for those who cared but couldn't come by the fine folks at And I do realize that last paragraph sounded like me doing an ad for all those fine people & institutions but really, I assure you, they barely paid me. And since you aren't in the water closet right now (hopefully), my rant remains valid. Game, set, match: Birdmonster.


Grant said...

Last night I learned that a piece of paper can't be folded in half seven times no matter how thin and that worldwide, 2500 left-handed people are killed each year using right-handed tools. I hope Norbit dies a quick box office death but I fear it was a built-in audience who will go see it regardless.

Anyway, another great show last night! I think Bottom of the Hill is growing on me. It does have the best lighting and good sound. Last night's crowd wasn't too rowdy either. Good times!

SOL's view said...

Dang blast it. I missed the Godternet cast. Mind, it probably happened during a time I would either have to set an alarm, or try wrest the net away from one of the girls.

You're right. I have absolutley no need to see Murphy as Norbit. Not when Beverley Hills Cop can still be found.

And yes, we do have ads on the back of the cubicle door.....

Foo said...

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, I don't really care to have Eddie Murphy breaking my concentration when I'm trying to water the porcelein. On the other hand, I'm curious about what Eddie actually said.

See, as I read your post I kept getting the mental image/sound clip of the Eddie advert coyly smirking and glancing downward while lisping "Nice package", a la Banana Boy in the restaurant scene of Beverly Hills Cop.

birdmonster said...

Grant: Ah, yes. I'm familiar with those. There's also something about how your thumbnail grows slowest and how Wrigley's is the first product with a bar code. See, Norbit? That's how you do it.

SOL: I'm glad both genders are subjected to the horrors of very captive advertising. It's about shared struggles, you know.

Foo: He said "Mumble miffnm, dihlsjdhf" I think. High quality sound system on that ad, certainly. And yes, BHC was the beginning of the end. The end, however, is not coming fast enough.

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