Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A dubious award given to a deserving culprit

Dave and I drove home from practice on Monday, having spent a good twenty minutes coming home, listening to radio that was the auditory equivalent of waterboarding. Or the Catherine Wheel (the torture device, not the reverb-y rock band). Or eating a kitchen sponge soaked in Ipecac. Point is: Unpleasant stuff. On the Modern Rock station? Playing some trash where a guy sings “Love, love, love, love, love” in the span of half a second and suddenly, my ears are bleeding. On the Classic Rock station? Well, it sounded like Foreigner but it wasn’t Foreigner so I couldn’t even enjoy hating something I recognized. How about NPR? The world is melting, the country is imploding, and apparently I am to blame.

Of course, we could’ve just turned it off. But then, you know, we would have had to make clever conversation and after playing music in a once-frigid then finally way-too-hot studio (like architectural menopause, essentially), my brain usually shuts down on the drive home. Monosyllabic grumbling: my forte.

Eventually we parked and walked home and, with some hateful ditty stuck in our heads, we tried discussing the most annoying song ever. The Gold Standard, if you will. (The Brown Standard, if you prefer). Contenders included Muskrat Love (too funny to be really annoying), Rockin’ Robin (this is actually the happiest, bubble-gummiest song I’ve ever heard, which makes it kind of annoying, sure, but nowhere near a contender), the entire Alvin & the Chipmunks oeuvre (disqualified on a technicality). Parenthetically, all the contenders above are about animals or sung by lunatics pretending to be animals. Perhaps this is something we all need to avoid in the future.

But we settled on a certain song by the time we reached our house. And, honestly, I hope you don’t remember who I’m talking about. But, in that exhaustively researched three minute pow-wow, Crazy Town won the highest honor, the Nobel Prize for Suicide-Inducing Annoyance, if you will, for that song “Butterfly” oh so long ago. If you must torture yourself, you can listen to a snipet on Amazon. I don’t recommend it, of course, except for scientific purposes. What do you think here? I defy you to name anything more annoying, musically. You can try and claim that Celine Dion “Titanic” song if you want, but at least she has crazy neck veins and I find that funny. So, I veto that. Preemptively.


rebecca said...

I nominate the Four Seasons' "Big Girls Don't Cry" for most annoying vocally. With "Sherry" coming in a close second...

rachael said...

fun fact of the day...

dj am who is also known as nicole richie's boyfriend (before she became known as the 85 lb stoner who drives the wrong way on a highway) was in crazy town.

crazy, right?

i'm far too interested in celebrity culture.

birdmonster said...

Rebecca: So, what should I do with the Jersey Boys tickets I bought us?

Rachael: Wow. I'm not sure how to metabolize that information. Or process it. Whatever. It's blown my mind. They're absolutely perfect for each other.

Chris Walker said...

Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps". Hands down most annoying song EVER.

birdmonster said...

Chris Walker vs. Fergie, huh? I bet she can smoke more crack than you.

Gasoline Hobo said...

the only song that makes me want to yank out my eyeballs and plug my ears with them?

Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle.

and by "the only song", i mean the only song i can think of RIGHT NOW.

Katie said...

Hmmm. First thing that came to my mind was Pretty Fly For a White Guy by the Offspring simply because you had me thinking in that era.

Then I remembered............what about Mmmbop by Hanson or Wannabe by the Spice Girls? Annoying as they are, I love both of those songs and fuck -- Hanson are great.

kasi said...

Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever". That song makes me want to crawl into a corner, suck my thumb and chant "take me to a happy place." Who writes lyrics about they're breasts being small as to not confuse them with mountains? Beyond annoying.
On another note, I actually laughed out loud at your Ipecac comment. Thanks for that visual.

Katie said...

I really think the honor needs to go to LFO's "Summer Girls" let me refresh your memory with this choice lyric " I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Finch. Chinese food makes me sick."

Space Nakji said...

For some reason all I can think of right now are annoying songs that I not-so-secretly really, really like.

Like "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows". Seriously. Best song EVER.

Btw, Gasoline Hobo, damn you for making me listen to "Butterfly Kisses". I'm so gonna kick yer butt the next time I see you.

Chris Walker said...

Oh, she definitely could. I'm only good at drinking beer.

birdmonster said...

GH: I'd never heard that song although, now that I have, I'm thinking of devouring your soul.

Katie: Mmmbop? You had to go there didn't you.

Kasi: I actually like Shakira. It probably has something to do with that hip dance. So mesmerizing. So hot. It helps block out the shrieking.

KT: Oh. My. God. I'd forfeit immediately if Crazy Town wasn't nearly as bad or barely worse. I need to think about this.

SN: That song is fantastic. Don't let anyone tell you different. Thank you for getting it in my head for, probably, the rest of the day.

Sabrina said...

Crazy Town actually thieved some guitar riffs from an old Red Hot Chili Pepper song "Pretty Little Ditty" song 10 on Blood Sugar Sex Majik to make "Butterfly"
Being a RHCP fan I noticed it right away. It annoys me every time I hear this song...!

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