Friday, July 14, 2006

I'm a giant mound of soggy happiness, or, my plan to save the world politics

Ah, the hometown show. Bottom of the Hill. It's going to be oh so cozy, like playing at Cheers, except, you know, enjoyable. I'm sorry, but I never liked that show. Many evenings of depression as a kid, when, expecting a Simpson's rerun, I'd instead get Danny Devito's wife yelling at Woody Harrelson before he improbably became a hippie and survived on canola oil, flaxseed and hackysacks. At least it wasn't Mad About You: it can always be worse.

But yes: I'm very, very excited about tomorrow. My sister will be here and she's finally 21, so we can enjoy (legal) debauchery in the States for the first time. Which is touching, isn't it? Gone are the days of Indian burns, noogies, and wedgies; arrived are the days of gimlets, concerts, and staying out past 10:30 curfews. Plus, all the folks I'm used to seeing in the hometown, in one of my favorite clubs ever, with a real soundcheck, on a summer day, and, well, I could get teary-eyed just talking about it. All is well with the world. Unless you live in Lebanon.

I remain, however, moderately gear-less. No repair shops will pick up their phones, so, in a flight of fancy and delusion, I opened up my own amp yesterday thinking certainly, I, a person who can barely connect RCA cables to the back of a TV, surely I could fix whatever's ailing my poor amplifier. Once the job required expertiece beyond right-tighty, lefty-loosey, I was lost. I did stroke my chin a lot though, which makes me look thoughtful and contemplative, but in the end, screwed the speaker back on, drove to Pete's house, and played the banjo. That's how I solve most of my problems. I think the world would be a better place if everyone did that. Instead of a bloody and miserable trillion dollar war, Bush & Saddam could've just played Dueling Banjos until someone flubbed the rolls at the end. Who would have a problem with that? Really? Plus, that'd mean Earl Scruggs could run for the Democratic ticket in '08 and demolish all opposition. The US would be respected again, press conferences would evolve into ho-downs, and I could maybe get a low level cabinet position. We need to run with this, people. Sign my petition. Write your congressman. Burn your Poli-Sci degree.

I'm optimistic though. Somehow, I'll arrive at the show, with a working bass, a working amp, and a brand new mouth-piano, because, well, I don't know. Religious people faith in some large, bearded man in the sky, while I have faith in serendipity. If that doesn't work out, I'll just go home, read Prisoner of Azkaban, and gesticulate wildly over everything I own.


Gasoline Hobo said...

i hereby nominate you for the position of Assistant Secretary of Pickin' in the Department of Righteous Instrument Canoodling.

accio dick cheney!
:points wand in Bottomless Well of Hippies:

birdmonster said...

Best. Cabinet. Position. Ever. It's mine, goddammit.

Good Potter knowhow. You never cease to impress. I'm JK Rawlins sneakiest stalker, by the way. Posting this comment from a shrub outside her mansion.

Gasoline Hobo said...

shrub or bush? just don't shoot the invisible swordsman.

*apologies for the lame machinima, but it was the only recording i could find.

derek. said...

no tangents today?

Kt said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kt said...

I have photographic evidence of just such a hoedown between Bush and Osama from my trip to Spain:
Bush Hearts Osama

Megan said...

i appoligize in advance for the massive spray paint smell that will be filling the bottom of the hill tonight. i didnt finish spray painting the new bird sweatshirt in time to wash it so it kinda smells like spray paint...ok w/e see u guys later or well those of u that are going ...WOOT WOOT

kattbanjo said...

Have normaly just lurked but decided to comment. My banjo is my stress releiver. The world would be better (and noisier) if everyone did that! I definately think there is something to your idea of settling the conflict! I will sign! Some of those rolls are really HARD to play! I screw them up about half the time. I want a postion in the cabinet tooo! I want to be a cog in the funky bluegrass gov't machine.

Have banjo, will travel.

Ronan Jimson said...

Great Work!!!
this is a good link you can refer Art Collection

birdmonster said...

GH: Yes, I lurk only in shrubbery. Stalking from a shrub is a misdemeanor, while bush-lurking is a felony. Good to know.

Derek: Sorry. I'll make sure this week is tangentastic.

Megan: Your sweatshirt was EPIC. Sort of made me wish we had several of them to sell. But it's probably better we don't, so yours can be uniquely kickass.

Kattbanjo: You can be Secretary of the Three-Fingered Eargasm. And yes, some of those rolls are way too hard. I'm still struggling with the finger-picks, which make me feel like some sort of cyborg supervillian.

kattbanjo said...

I only have one set of finger picks that I have successfully bent to play with, If I lose them I will kill myself....I am close already due to the unfortunate purchase of a Gold Tone banjo mute. I caved in to the pressure. I'M NOT WORTHY.