Friday, June 16, 2006

In which Birdmonster wanders around Columbus, re-unites with the Talk, and tries to steer clear of some moron yelling about Black Metal

Greetings from Ohio, so few letters, so many
syllables. We're on our way to an on-air shindig at
www.woxy.com, which if you read this by 4 p.m.
Eastern time, you should definately listen to.
Definately. Definately because it was the radio
station Dustin Hoffman babbled about during Rain
Man, when Tom Cruise wasn't yet crazy enough to
eat placenta, breed centaurs, drink the blood of
the innocent, or whatever other weird shit that
guy's up to these days. I miss Top Gun Tom.

We had a fitful sleep in Columbus the night before
last and woke up in time to catch Trinidad fold to
England in the World Cup. In other words, we slept
till 1:30. After a bland breakfast, we took care of
some equipment needs and visited what I
understand is the largest university on the planet,
OSU. We spent the afternoon lounging in the sun
and bogarting their internet connection like the
ferocious dorks we've become. Pete bought Dave a
fantastic shirt too: it says "War is not the
answer" and has a picture of Allen Iverson on it.
Genius. Rather relaxing, really, which, in
retrospect, we really needed. Because the
show...well, 'twas a weird one.

Let's start by saying most everyone there was
fantastically cool. The wonders of the
aforementioned internet informed enough people of
the show that the little dungeon we played in was
fairly full. Hell, we got requests for a song we
hadn't played like for months. It was one of those
rowdy shows that just, somehow, happen. We had
a ball. Of course, there was this one guy...

Look: I'm a pretty accepting guy. Feel free to do
whatever it is that makes you happy, whether you
want to follow in Tom Cruise's footsteps and
breed centaurs, listen exclusively to Lawrence
Welk, or even root for the Lakers: fine be me. Just
don't be this guy. Don't scream at everyone all
night when what comes out your mouth is "This is
my life! I roll Black Metal, man. Fuckin BLACK
METAAAAL!" Don't tell me how much you shred,
then pick up my bass without asking and play it
like a 6th grader with down syndrome. Don't, at
any cost, act like you are in the cut scenes from
Gummo. Please.

But, like I said, he was just one guy. His black
metalness wasn't totally overwhelming, just
totally flabbergasting. Otherwise, Columbus:
thumbs up. You need to export that guy. Do the
Russians still keep their Siberian prisons open?
That'd be a good place to start.

9 comments:

Webb said...

I can't believe you claimed liking the White Stripes over Gnarles. You and I are no longer friends. Or, at least for 5 minutes we're not. I'll probably get over it though.

Megan said...

Dude u guys on woxy.com...AMAZING!!!!!!

o ya...and completely convienient and free...YAY!!!

and who wouldve though that this studio cam pics still look completely energenic...i mean ive never seen anyone make suck low quality pics that are refreshed every 30 seconds look so full of energy or so exciting!!!

its nice to see u guys...keep having fun!!!

i g2g get back to watching the studio cam pics...YIPPIE!!!

Gasoline Hobo said...

send him to detroit. they'll sort him out.

Rachael said...

shit, i TOTALLY was going to yell about black metal during your set. now i need a new plan of action.

i'll lay off the bass though. i know how guys are with their instruments.

Anonymous said...

Birdnonymous here.

Webb: I claimed to like the white stripes cover of jolene more than that gnarls violent femmes thing. I will not be misquoted! I love you anyhow.

Megan: thanks. We haven't had a chance to watch or listen yet, but, goddamn it was fun. Twice as fun as watching Anaconda, which is saying something.

GH: I don't know. It's of course possible that his black metaltude destroys everyone in a 20 mile radius. Until Robocop comes, naturally.

Rachael: I'm honestly glad he stole your thunder there.

Andy Whitman said...

That guy actually lives in that dungeon you played in in Columbus. He's there every night. We natives have learned to humor him and just back away slowly when he goes into Black Metal mode. But why the guy is not institutionalized is beyond me. Seriously, he needs to be. He's even more fun when he tries to pick up your daughter, as he tried to do with mine Thursday night at your show.

You guys were great. Thanks for coming to our fair city.

Megan said...

u guys have totally re-triggered my WOXY.com addiction. O well at least its summer and I have time to be addicted. WOXY.com rocks... everyone should be like me and listen to it almost constanly...when theyre not listening to birdmonster. thats pretty easy though cuz WOXY.coim isnt very portable and birdmonster is...w/e

sorry im babling ...this is what happens after a full day of water polo madness and completely getting our asses beat by teams we totaly shouldve beat...

ok... ttyl one again keep having funa nd good luck in Cleveland tonight.

Anonymous said...

Birdnonymous, back again.

Andy: oh man. Sorry you had to deal with him on a level somehow more awkward than our own. At least you've seen the least suitable suitor this side of Scott Peterson, so, really, it's all potatoes and gravy from there. And hey, thanks soooo much for coming & bringing a contingent of likeminded folks. We'l be back.

Megan: Waterpolo? Isn't that just legalized underwater beatings? And yes, Woxy is fantabulous.

megan said...

lol ya...thats a pretty much the sport of h2o polo for u right there...yay

it gets pretty fun especially when ur ref is like 80 years old and blind so u get away with almost everything (but when they get that old they start wearing speedos like everywhere so u have to be careful and ignore that...but w/e)