Friday, April 14, 2006

Freeness! Shorts!

Well, I know for a fact that folks in the surrounding vacinity have received their CD, so sit tight if you haven't. We can only put our faith in the post office and their thigh-length wool shorts.

We've been spending our days shipping CDs out, prepping for the Division Day, Nor'westerly (I love that word) fiasco, updating this here journal-dealy, and procrastinating on van repairs. Boring, right? So, screw that. This is way more fun:

The Birdmonster Haiku Challenge

For no other reasons than our own amusement and everyone's love of free shit, we're announcing a very informal haiku challenge. The rules are simple and the prizes, bountiful. Plus, it will give us all something to do at work.

Rules: In case you've forgotten, haikus are three line poems with a constrained amount of syllables. The first line has 5, the second 7, and the final one 5 again. Such as:

This is a haiku
But this is a bad haiku
Because it's boring

That works. Now, for the purposes of the contest, we're asking that you write something somehow related to birdmonster, but, please, go crazy. We take kindly to insults, praise, ridiculous stories, ideas for the name of our van, Basho rip-offs, what have you. And it will take you all of five minutes, unless you compose some mind bogglingly brilliant shit, which will be followed by me wondering where you got all that free time.

How to play: Leave a comment in the comment section of this post. A valid email address would also be helpful.

Why you'd do this in the first place: Because you live in San Francisco and want to come to our CD release show next week but you'd rather go for free. And you'd like to bring a friend. We'll pick 4 or 5 good ones and doll out freeness to them. If you don't live in the city, well, you can play too, but you just have to fly here. $200 plane flight for a $5 ticket? That's intelligent investing. Get E.F. Hutton on the line.


brett said...

My grandfather worked for EF Hutton. i think my parents still have EF Hutton stationary lying around.

birdmonster said...

He used to invest for me, actually. Tell him thanks for the Adelphia stock. It's doing nicely.

Pete V said...

I hear the first chord and smile
Then someone whispers
What’s with the fucking banjo?

birdmonster said...

Oh, Pete. First out of the gates. I can only give you partial credit, as it's supposed to be 5-7-5, not 7-5-7, but, screw it. Want to go to the show?

Pete V said...

Wow, haiku dyslexia.

But I'll take partial credit! Yes, I do.

birdmonster said...

Alright, Pete V. Email us your name & I'll put you on there. (

Higgity said...

They played in Zach’s room
Making noise in the garage
Now they have groupies

jcowherd said...

///hello birdmonster, this is jeff///

i love the album/
do-it-yourself and maintain/
follow the passion/

got my headphones on/
swimming through the crashing waves/
rocknroll's alive/

let's get together/
to make some noise, paint and sound/
the rooftop sessions/

can't wait, got to go/
see you at the mezzanine/
the roof flying off/

compare modest mouse/
dance, d-dance and go crazy/
this is the one time/

silkscreen your mind/
on the window pane, sunlight/
how long can you wait?

much love and always/
zietgeist til the dawn of now/
jeffrey a cowherd

pink brontosaurus said...

Oh melodica!
Plastic pocket piano -
How you turn me on

birdmonster said...

Higgiggiggitty: That was beautiful. Also, you should read the Simmons mailbag this week. Top Notch.

birdmonster said...

Whoa. JCowherd, plus one it is. That's like an haiku epic.

birdmonster said...

Oh dinosaur: you're free already.

pink brontosaurus said...

I know. But what else would I do at work?

JAX said...

Dear Birdmonster Boys
way to steal haikus from DODGE
Momma JAX cant come....


birdmonster said...

Sorry, Ma. We'll play all the holes for ya.

Anonymous said...

What Narcissism!
To be a young imbecile
To be Birdmonster

birdmonster said...

Hrumph. I knew someone would take it the wrong way, then take enough time to whine about it. At least they attempted to be poetic.

birdmonster said...

Also: no free ticket for that guy. Mwahahahahahahahaha

pink brontosaurus said...

Hey anonymous!
Don't you know haikus are fun?
What a curmudgeon

Caitlin, Esq. said...

I can't write no haikus. But I have a limerick for you:

There once was a Birdmonster band
whose sound was both scrappy and grand
drums, guitar, bass
they could rock off your face
and were possessed of an exquisite van...

birdmonster said...

Alright, Ms. Murphydodson, you're free. Bring Gregor. He's free. Bonus points for mentioning my dead love, the van.

caitlin, esq. said...

Yea! I am flying in from chicago late that night but we will come over if I am not too tired/covered in airplane food crumbs.

Anonymous said...

Your LP gave me jock itch. But the music is real hip. All the kids are listening to it. It's like the new Sonny and Cher.

Seriously, though, I dig it.

a tall man from the east bay

Sandisoverrated said...

dont walk all o'er me
I am not your welcome mat
your birdmonster I am not

Sandisoverrated said...

oh fuck wait, 5-7-5 syllables. Well, fuck THAT shit. Rap freestyle is the way to go. Okay...birdmonster/dont you know luke? I am your father/oh what's that, throat parched? have a drink of water/have a drink of our rock n'roll/have a drink of our nat king cole/bet you didn't know we could spit mad rhymes/goodbye birdvan, we've had some great times/5,13,23, numbers that are prime/rock so hard shit should be a crime/I know you getting restless, just one more second of your time/truth can come from words/monsters can be birds!

Anonymous said...

Paying for shows sucks
Give me free tickets or what?
I will buy the drinks

M'mster said...

The new Bird-van can
Carry Monsters to Portland
In the Pink, with fans

mh said...

Nuto and Kleinburg
Pack the birdvan full of crap
And the others rock

This is why I chose law school over poetry school.

mh said...

Tenuto - noun, music
Hold the note for the full time
From the I-tal'yan

Jon Klein said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jon Klein said...

I fucked I gotta start over...

Tenuto is Prince.
Dave rocks denim purse, so fresh.
Twenty sided die.


Where is my damn CD? I'm going to illegally download it if it's not here soon...

birdmonster said...

Please email if I haven't gotten back to you personally about free tickets & you wrote something & want to come. Phew.

Euro Groupie numero uno said...

Justin's hair's so big
French wigmakers could weave it
into bass strings. Apt.

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